Into this walks Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, with a book that quickly became a global blockbuster, Lean In, and – kudos to her – a foundation and website to keep the message going. She looked at the issue at its root: women themselves. She’s telling women of all ages to Lean In. Don’t sit back at that meeting – participate, engage, show your expertise and your knowledge.

While some have attacked her for blaming women for challenges they face, it’s hard to do that after you hear her speak. She’s one of us. She worked hard to get where she is and she has made mistakes. She has a family and she wants a life outside of work. She sees her position of privilege, which some have criticized, as an obligation to speak out for all women. I think she is authentic and caring and smart – and right on.

Let’s compare Sandberg to Margaret Thatcher for a moment. Thatcher is being lauded, appropriately, as a female role model who was that Iron Lady, the one that the Soviets feared. She was hard-nosed and focused. Did she Lean In? To gain her own prominence, she sure did. Unfortunately, she didn’t do much to raise other women with her, another element of Leaning In. In addition to Thatcher’s anti-feminism rhetoric, stories abound how she basically ignored the women around her and instead focused on dealing with the men. That’s a far different story than what you hear about Sonia Sotomayor or Hillary Clinton – or Sheryl Sandberg.

Rather than ignoring the women around her, Sandberg identified ways that women can enhance their own careers, and their lives. She asserts that women need to be their own advocates, just as men are. Women tend to demur to the team or to those who helped them, rather than talk about how the leader motivated that great team or how she took that advice and turned it into something powerful. Is it ladylike to act that way? Just think about how loaded that term is and you get Sandberg’s point!

In fact, our language is filled with messages that we send females from an early age. We call young girls “bossy,” while you rarely hear a little boy called that. That hit home with this grown-up bossy little girl. Tina Fey talks about it in her book, BossyPants. And, we do have to be aware research shows that women become less “likeable” as they show strength and prowess. (Need I mention the names that Hillary Clinton is called?)  Long ago, I learned you are probably not going to be voted Miss Congeniality if you are a decisive and strong woman, but you can earn respect that gets you pretty far. I just wish Thatcher had used her strength and respect to elevate other women like herself.

Another piece of Sandberg’s advice rang very true to me. It was similar to advice I got many years ago when I was pregnant with my second child. I spoke with my boss Marilee, a powerhouse single woman a few years older than me, about my desire to work on special projects for the administrator of our Federal agency part-time, moving from my job as manager of a large staff. I wanted to stay actively involved in the agency, but in a different capacity for a while. I would be creating an interesting job that didn’t exist.

Marilee was very supportive, providing the type of mentorship that Thatcher eschewed. Marilee helped me develop a winning strategy. “Don’t go into the administrator’s office and talk from the perspective of what you want,” she said. “Tell him how this will benefit him and the agency.”
With Marilee’s advice, I was able to negotiate exactly what I wanted. I crafted my message in a way that highlighted my value and portrayed the new position I wanted as a positive for the agency, not just something for me. He asked me exactly what I was requesting and I responded with my bargaining position. This hard-hitting leader accepted it without a counter offer. Win/win for the agency and me. I got to work on exciting projects and my long-term career never faltered. I got to choose what I wanted to do, on my terms.

I have shared Marilee’s advice many times. Just like Sandberg’s, the message is that women need to understand the mission of organization, be engaged in it, and believe in their value to that mission. Be proud to share what you mean to your boss and the organization. This can put you a strong position to get what you want in business and in life.

Sheryl Sandberg, I believe you are a leader for our times. Margaret Thatcher made her mark, but it was largely for herself. Your message can benefit women of every generation in the workplace. Let’s Lean In together.

When you hear terms like “immigration reform” it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking of immigrants as a monolithic group. But, as we move forward with efforts to build a more inclusive, stronger diverse country, we need to see difference and value it.

I was fortunate to know my immigrant grandparents well. I heard the stories from my grandmother about the violent deaths of her older siblings during Cossack raids in Russia and her trip alone by ship to the U.S. to join a much older brother. I watched my grandfather change his name so he “fit in” more, and take night classes in English, although his Russian Jewish heritage would always be clear. With a completely different and somewhat atypical story, my husband’s Jewish great-grandfather fought for the South in the Civil War.

Those are my family’s stories. Every family has a story, and most have multiple stories.

If we don’t have enough authentic interaction with immigrants, we tend to make up an over-arching story. One pervasive stereotype is that immigrants as just those “who will do the work that Americans don’t want to.” Certainly there are many low-paid hard-working immigrants who deserve our respect and appreciation. But we need to recognize that there are other immigrants,  some here officially and some undocumented, in wide-ranging professional positions.

Latinos themselves, the largest immigrant group in the U.S., don’t want to be painted with a broad brushstroke. An extensive survey by Pew Research revealed most Latinos don’t even like the generic labels of Latino or Hispanic. The majority prefer to identify with their country of origin, noting that Latinos in the U.S. have many different cultures rather than a common culture. While Mexicans are the largest Latino immigrant group, there are many immigrants from Central and South America and they will bristle if you assume they are Mexican.

Even within immigrants from one country, there are many stories. I taught an immigrant parent leadership class with participants from every part of the world. One year there were two mothers from Vietnam. One mother came to the U.S. with nothing. She had escaped as one of the “boat people” as the Vietnam War ended, in a small boat with her brothers, sisters and spouses as they lived several days at sea with no food or water. The other was an orphan who was adopted by a wealthy American family and flown to the U.S. That mother came up to me after class and said, “We had such different experiences coming from the same country. While I have had all the material comforts, I envy her the riches of her brothers and sisters.”

Immigration reform will – hopefully – soon pass, making this a more welcoming country, with increased opportunities for many capable immigrants. We need to continue to build on that progress by moving beyond a limiting view of what “immigrants” are like.  We need to see each immigrant as an individual with an individual story, just as our ancestors had their own stories.

And most important, we need to recognize that each of us has something to learn from others, whether they have lived in the U.S. for generations or just arrived, whether they speak English fluently or are learning it as a second or third language, and whether they wear a tailored suit or a gardener’s pants.

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Eileen Kugler works with leaders of diverse schools and workplaces, empowering them to create inclusive, successful environments.

But there is another lesson that is getting lost. And that is the tremendous heroism of educators. The principal, the leader of that school, never hesitated to move toward the danger that was challenging the school – her school. The school psychologist, trained to help students through comforting talk, also purposely walked into danger. Teachers shielded and protected students, some losing their own lives in the process. This is not part of their job description.

Yet these teachers are not unique. Every teacher I know saw the faces of her or his own students. “I’m not sure what I would do if there was a shooter in a mall,” a 3rd grade teacher said to me, “but I know what I would do in my classroom. There is no question I would do everything I could to protect my students, even if I was in danger.”

The bottom line is that teachers see their job as supporting and caring for the children in their charge, no matter what. So what do we need to do to support THEM? The NRA says we should arm teachers. Have you asked teachers how they feel about this idea? It is so uncharacteristic of the way teachers basically think and feel, that it is outside rational thought. Yes, some teachers own guns, but the vast majority of teachers would quit before adding “armed responder” to their duties. It’s just not the profession they signed up for.

Instead of focusing only on the issues surrounding school security, we need to look at ways to support teachers – our heroes – because of what they do every day.

•    We owe them respect. Teachers feel besieged, not just by armed invaders, but by the average person. They feel totally unappreciated. While school reform is important, too many reformers attack teachers as the villain. As a society, we glob onto statistics that compare apples to oranges (Think of the diversity – or lack thereof – in Finland, which is hailed as an educational star compared to the U.S.).  We put every problem on the backs of the teachers. It breaks my heart when teachers tell their own children not to go into education because they are not valued in our society.

•     We owe them support. We owe them professional development, not just on security, which is bound to be a hot topic the next few years, but on cutting-edge strategies that help them engage every student in learning. Teaching can be an isolating profession, so we need to make sure we are giving teachers opportunities to learn and grow together as colleagues.

•    We owe them a salary that reflects their value. I’m not asking for a multi-million sports contract (How I wish I could!), but should these heroes have trouble buying a house on their salaries? Most teachers have masters degrees and could be earning significantly more if they didn’t care so much about working with children, our children.

•   We owe them good facilities. While we’re checking whether locks work on all the doors, let’s also look at other parts of the building that directly support education: media centers, white boards in classrooms, up-to-date textbooks and relevant resource materials. These do indeed, make a difference.

Teachers are heroes every day. They figure out what book might engage a reluctant reader. They learn a new strategy themselves to help their students understand a complex math concept. They connect the dots between diverse facts to create true understanding. They change lives: Every adult who rose above challenging circumstances can name the teacher who first believed in them.

How will we show our genuine appreciation of our heroic teachers?  Let’s look beyond guns and locked doors.

Those moving words from Tracy Martin, the father of Trayvon, sum up what has made this case so moving and so powerful.

It took a national effort, a national movement, to get this case the attention it deserved.  When local authorities could not see beyond George Zimmerman’s basic claim to use deadly force under the state’s Stand Your Ground law, the governor appointed a Special Prosecutor in the case. As Prosecutor Angela Corey took the podium to announce the charges brought against Zimmerman, it became clear the days of glossing over this crime are over. The Civil Rights struggle has shown us decade after decade, marches and rallies and speeches do make a different.

The movement inspired many who were new to protests. Young people of all backgrounds started pulling their hoodies over the heads to show how ludicrous it is to assert that a hoodie by its very nature is the uniform of a criminal.

Adults who didn’t usually “get involved” reacted on a personal level, with that heavy heart of a parent, or just someone who cares about other people’s children. Vinnie Politan, a commentator on CNN’s sister station HLN, noted he was shocked at social media attacks on him as part of the “liberal media” when he said Trayvon did nothing wrong. “I’m a law and order guy,” he shot back. “I reacted to this as a story about someone’s kid like it was my own.”

In early April, I spent some time with my 30-year-old son, who looks younger. It was a surprisingly cold day after a warm spell.  He nonchalantly pulled his hood up as we walked around town, and kept it on in and out of stores; not making a statement, just keeping himself warm. But I saw the statement.

Of course, underneath that hoodie was my son’s white face, so it would never be the same. It took the President to make that crystal clear. No one could articulate the racism that cannot be separated from this case better than President Obama, “If I had a son, he’d look like Trayvon.”

The trial will illuminate issues far more than Zimmerman’s guilt or innocence. Racial profiling is on trial. The U.S. Senate isn’t waiting, as the Judiciary Committee is holding hearings on the issue on April 17. Race is, and should be on the table as we examine this case.

And the “Stand Your Ground” laws, now in some 30 states in various forms, are on trial.  As the Washington Post recently reported, those laws coincide with a jump in justifiable homicide cases.  New York City Michael Bloomberg charges that these laws take away rights that are basic to the American way of life, noting that even soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan must meet a higher standard for taking deadly action against someone. “There’s no civilized society that I know, no democracy, that has these kinds of laws. Only in America where we have more guns than people.”

As the national movement focused attention on Trayvon Martin’s death, two individuals were thrust into the spotlight to speak for Trayvon – his parents. Their voices are the other part of what has make this such a compelling event. Their voices are heard above the speeches and the commentaries, because they speak with authenticity and raw emotion. They been a source of light throughout the entire process, standing up for the rights of Trayvon and themselves, wanting no part of violence or revenge. They wanted George Zimmerman brought to trial, and they now want a fair trial.

“I just want to speak from my heart,” said Sybrina Fulton, Trayvon’s mother, after Zimmerman’s arrest. “A heart has no color. It’s not white. It’s not black. It’s red. I just want to say ‘thank you’ from my heart to your heart.”

I’m sorry I didn’t get to meet Trayvon. With these remarkable parents, he must have been quite a young man. We’re now on a journey together with his family to make sure this trial is fair. And collectively we can serve Trayvon’s legacy best by going beyond the trail to bring to light important issues that demand public scrutiny.

It’s hard to dispute the research that shows that a diverse campus is better both academically and socially for all the students. In classrooms, students learn to think deeper, question more, and move beyond simplistic assumptions when they are challenged by peers with different life experiences and different perspectives. Students of all backgrounds become better problem solvers. It only makes sense – if you are surrounded by people who aren’t limited by a common frame of reference, you see multiple ways to solve problems. There isn’t just one right answer to a complex problem.

On a social level, students aren’t just learning how to “celebrate” diversity on a superficial level of clothes and food. They learn to dialogue about critical issues, seeing nuances, not just polarizing extremes. They know what it takes to collaborate with people who act different, who think different than they do. They learn to be comfortable not just with those who are like them; but they develop a comfort with difference because they recognize that is when they are most vibrant.

Do colleges look beyond grades as they decide on who to admit? Of course they do. Does the band need some clarinets? Lucky Amelia for playing clarinet in the State Band. Are there lots of applicants from New Jersey, but few from South Dakota? For a college that touts having students from all over the country, the qualified applicant from SD looks real good. Of course there are the spots for the legacy students, even if their grades aren’t up to dad’s or mom’s. And let’s not even go into preferences shown for someone with a great free throw or a record-breaking catch on the football field.

So where are the high-profile court cases about the student who didn’t get accepted because the spot was filled by an athlete? That’s just something we accept because there is a holistic view of what benefits the entire university. College athlete = winning teams = alumni donations and more applicants. Don’t whine if you don’t get in on grades alone because “everybody wins” when the team wins.

So why should race and ethnicity be out of the picture for a college that understands the value of a diverse campus? Why should colleges have to defend themselves from creating a diverse environment that benefits every student every day?

It is not in the interest of our nation to force colleges to take a step backward and deprive their students of the lessons that can only be learned in a diverse setting. Without the benefit of diversity in their educational environment, students will be ill-prepared for the diverse workplaces that await them, particularly as our economy increases in global interconnections. Most important, do we want to deprive them the lessons of appreciation, respecting, and learning from a broad spectrum of fellow students? Let’s hope the justices can see this is an issue impacting every student, and our nation as a whole.

When we had an opportunity to chat afterwards, I learned that is just part of his story. He started the trash hauling business “to give some young men good jobs.” So he’s a mentor in addition to being an entrepreneur. Then he told me that he and his wife do training on writing clear documents for the Federal government. Then he mentioned that he also has written and published science fiction. Whoa. How much farther from my initial assumptions about his work would he take me — once we spent time learning about each other.

I also talked with a business leader who is a respected trainer. I learned that his father was the youngest of eight and his mother the youngest of 22. Can you imagine his family reunions! That is a piece of his personal culture that you would not know just by looking at him. His lens for viewing the world is very different than someone who was an only child with few relatives. Yet people rarely know that aspect of his personal story. When we talked about the importance of moving beyond assumptions, he said, “You are preaching to the choir. People make lots of assumptions about me based solely on what I look like” — a tall African-American man.

To really understand someone — their experiences, their skills, their perspectives — we need to move beyond snap judgments and assumptions. Otherwise, we lose out on the valuable connections we can make and the wisdom they can share. We learn a fraction of the lessons we could.

We don’t know what sparks a disturbed mind to take a particular destructive action. But we do know that what people say and how they say it creates an environment, and that environment impacts what others say and do. We don’t have to get into politics to see that.

A teacher told me that she finds her recent Kindergarten and first grade children more aggressive, more rude than she’s seen in years of teaching. “They are watching the adults around them,” she said. The television is filled with images of angry people yelling at each other. And it’s not just the news. The level of angry yelling on “family” shows is far greater than it used to be. Just turn on the old reruns on TVLand and it becomes crystal clear.

But our children don’t need to turn to TV, movies, or even video games to get a taste of adults out of control. The teacher described a father at a school basketball game yelling at the referee over a particular call. “If the children see the adults yelling at an authority figure, then they think that’s appropriate,”

Another teacher told me about a 4^th grade student who had an “assassination list.” Did he know what that meant? Absolutely. He had pictures of knives and guns on his paper. And why were they on his list? Because, “They told me I wasn’t the line leader and I needed to go back. I wasn’t the line leader, but I still didn’t like it.” The message adults today send: You don’t like a message, threaten the messenger.

A few years ago, I was part of an Interfaith dialogue of Muslims and Jews, organized by a Muslim friend and my husband and me. Over the months, the 15 of us grew to become friends. We learned how many ways we are similar, both historically and as members of the same community. But after about a year, we began talking about world events and the dialogue broke down. Feelings became raw over statements made by one side or the other, often taken out of context. In talking about it with my Muslim friend, we both realized what had happened. There were people in the group who had joined solely to convince others that they were right, that their stories were more valid. At that moment I realized that dialogue only works if both sides come to learn, not teach.

We all need to take responsibility for our actions, including the words we use. If we create a hostile environment where no one with a different perspective feels comfortable speaking, then we all lose, whether in our homes, our schools, or our workplaces. We become closed-down and one-dimensional. And we model for children that there is only one “right way” and that’s my way. And that is a disservice to our children and our future.

There are ways to connect with the absent parents, and they are essential if we are serious about education reform. Parents of every background have dreams for their child and want that child to succeed in school. Sometimes they never have a chance to voice those dreams, with the constant stream of information from school telling them what to do.

Strategic tips to engage disconnected parents:

• Assume every parent cares about their child’s education.Schools should not make assumptions about parents just because they aren’t visible. Many families believe it is their job to support education at home, but the teacher’s job at school. They show respect by not interfering with the teacher’s work. Sometimes parents are intimidated to talk to a teacher they didn’t have a good education themselves or they found school a place of negative experiences. For immigrants, expectations of American schools can be confusing. Many immigrants are shocked to learn that American schools expect them to be involved!
• Respect the strengths of family members and engage them as partners. The goal of engaging families is to build a partnership to support the students and the school itself. Families of diverse backgrounds bring many strengths that are often overlooked. Think of the organization and resiliency of an immigrant family who made the challenging journey to the United States… or the perseverance of a parent who could not attend college but works long hours to assure his child will have that chance… or the commitment of a grandmother who is determined that her grandchildren will understand the value of hard work by doing chores at home. When you learn about and respect these strengths, you understand that communication with diverse families should be two-way, as family members have many lessons to teach as well as learn.
• Go beyond traditional programs for family involvement Back-to-school nights and parent meetings work for some families, but others find them overwhelming or intimidating. Schools should look for non-threatening ways to encourage parent involvement: a classroom celebration of children’s writing where family members accompany their child to class; a breakfast with their child before work; a chance to meet with other families from their culture. Invitations sent out in multiple ways is critical, including personal notes home with the child and follow-up phone calls – the more personal, the better. A community leader who is known and respected by school families can be a great ally in connecting with diverse families.
• Get out of the school Some families find it intimidating to just walk through the school doors. To connect with families in a more comfortable setting, schools can hold meetings in community rooms, libraries, or religious institutions in the neighborhood.Sometimes a lunchroom in a local factory is a great place to connect with parents who can’t leave work.
• Support families so they can support their students Parents play a vital role as mentors, teachers, supporters, encouragers for their children. Schools can support families in these roles by providing training on parenting issues (e.g., workshops on child behavior or disciplining adolescents), as well as education issues (family literacy or math nights where parents and children learn together). Leadership development training targeted to those parents who are not yet empowered to be involved can create a new generation of diverse parent leaders.

• Collaborate with involved families As schools look for innovative ways to reach families, success can’t be judged by the number of families who initially respond. Build on the outreach by collaborating with new families who do bcome involved. Give them the opportunity to do substantive work alongside long-active parents. When family leaders in the school represent the diversity of the community, family engagement across the board will snowball.

Many parents remain disconnected from schools because they don’t feel welcome or valued at school. When schools look for innovative ways to help families understand their role at school and build true two-way partnerships, authentic education reform takes place.

Research shows that academic achievement increases when students and their families feel connected to school. At the foundation of this reform is creating an atmosphere where every student feels valued.

The key is to recognize the culture of each student. Everyone has a culture – where we were born, where we grew up, who raised us, our ethnic background, our religion, our home language, our family structure, and more. Students feel connected to the school when they can be authentic and they don’t have to hide their culture to fit in.

Strategic tips for educators:

• Learn to pronounce all student’s names. What’s in a name? A person’s history and identity. Schools shouldn’t hand out nicknames just because the name is hard to pronounce. And no more,”Call me Mrs. K.” Teachers should model the behavior by expecting students to learn their names, as well.
• Rejoice in different accents.It’s not just about accents from other countries. Reports show a disturbing lack of respect for any accent that is”different,” like reports of a child from Boston being ridiculed for his pronunciation in a class in Ohio or the southern drawl of a child from Alabama laughed at – by the teacher – in a Maryland school.
• Let students see themselves in the classroom. A photo of each child should be posted around the room with the student’s personal writing. The students can draw pictures of themselves, encouraged to express their own individuality. Multicultural literature around the room should reflect the many faces in the broader community. Through class assignments, students can write autobiographies that include interviewing relatives and family friends. The assignments can be more sophisticated as students get older, using poetry or drama as vehicles for bringing their lives into the classroom.
• Create an opportunity for students to share what is important to them. Daily classroom meetings, where students share their ideas, thoughts, and experiences in a safe place, can build a true community. With guidance from the teacher, students learn the important skills of active listening and problem-solving together.

Not only should teachers recognize the culture of their students, they need to understand their own culture and how this impacts the way they interact with students and families. Did the teacher come from a family where children were supposed to be soft-spoken and only answer when spoken to? Then the creative boy who was encouraged to voice his new ideas at the family dinner table might appear to be disrepectful to the teacher. Does the teacher believe that every student should look her in the eye when she’s talking. Then she may misunderstand a student who was taught to look down as a way to show respect to an adult.

Education reform includes creating schools where every student believes he or she is an valued part of that school. To value the student, teachers need to understand culture — their own and their students — and make sure each culture is valued.

            That changed as a young adult. The first time I stepped into a large public library – I know it is trite – but I absolutely felt like a kid in a candy store.  And truthfully, I still feel that way. I LOVE libraries. I still look around and think, “Really? I can pick from anything here, and it’s all free!”

            Perhaps that’s why I am so thrilled – not happy, not excited, but thrilled – to be creating a library for students at A.V. Bukani Primary School in Addo, South Africa. My husband and I, with lots of help, just sent a shipment of 25,000 donated books to support the education of the wonderful students at the school.  We are about to make our third volunteer trip to work with the dedicated teachers there, sharing research-based strategies to increase literacy. We’ve also been working with the families, an integral part of education.

            On our first trip to this township school in August 2008, we were shaken by the lack of materials – from students writing with pencil stubs to inadequate workbooks that were basically the only books the students had. My husband used some quality picture books we had brought with us to demonstrate read-alouds. After seeing the students’ eyes light up when he read “Swimmy” by Leo Lionni, one of the teachers grabbed his arm and asked, “Are there more books like this?!”  We knew we had to return one day with many, many more books.

            The following year as we finished our second visit, Principal Thambo said it is time to build a library. We agreed. Although shipping is expensive, we had been in touch with an old high school friend who said he could help us with discounted shipping.  We knew with our many contacts back in the DC area that we could collect hundreds of books for this school. We also knew that, to be used effectively, these books could not just be boxed and shipped. They had to be sorted and labeled. Thus began our journey this year of collecting, organizing and labeling, not hundreds of books, but 25,000 quality children’s books. It was a labor of love for us and the many, many volunteers who worked with us, as well as the donors who helped with shipping expenses.  In mid-July, the books began their journey in a shipping container that will be fitted with doors and windows and will become the library itself.

            And so my love of libraries has come full circle. In early August, I will watch the shipping container filled with books we packed be trucked into the township and placed on the foundation built by the community.  I will watch as community volunteers help unload and open the boxes and boxes of books.  And I will watch as the students get to not only look at these wonderful books, but choose books and take them home. And the next day, they can choose another one. Does life get any better than that!

            I truly feel like Willy Wonka opening up the candy store to the 1,000 children of this school. They’ll discover Ezra Jack Keats, Eric Carle, Beverly Cleary, Dr. Seuss, and many other wonderful authors and illustrators. And once they taste this delicious stuff, I know they’ll be back for more. In my heart I know these books will change lives for decades to come, and I am so honored to play a part in this. More on our South African blog www.KuglersinSouthAfrica.blogspot.com